Warning- This post is very long!

I’m not sure why I feel the need to share this story with you all, but these memories have been playing over and over in my mind for a couple of days. Many of you may or may not know that I was in the Coast Guard for several years. While I was in, I experienced a variety of things. Truthfully, there were very few experiences that were really scary or thrilling. The majority of my Coast Guard career was spent training for tasks that I never completed. In this story that I am writing about, I was actually still in training to become a Boat Crewmember.

The minimum crew that was required to operate and respond to any cases on the boat that I was working on consisted of three people, a coxswain (the person that physically drives the boat), the engineer, and the crewmember (who is responsible for line handling, navigating, and fire fighting). If I remember correctly, it was pretty early in my training experience. The day had been pretty gloomy and it was getting late in the evening. The radio watchstander received a call from a shrimp boat that was in distress. If you have never seen a shrimp boat before, they literally look just like the shrimp boat in Forrest Gump. And if you haven’t seen that movie, you should watch it and then continue reading this story! They have these things called outriggers about midboard on either side of the boat. They are metal, about 25 to 30 feet in length, are in an upright position when the nets that are attached to them are not in the water, and straight out from the boat when the nets are in the water.

As you can imagine, these outriggers are pretty heavy and make a dramatic difference in the way the boat rides depending on what position they are in. The shrimp boat’s distress was that one outrigger was upright and the other was stuck out to the side of the boat. The weather and seas were getting really rough. The crew of the shrimp boat was in a panic that the boat was going to capsize because the weight of the outrigger that was down was already causing the boat to lean to one side and the waves were pushing the boat further over. The decision was made that the crew from our Coast Guard station was going to go get the people off of the boat. Just to add a little more intensity to this story, the shrimp boat was about 20 miles from our Station. I don’t know if any of you have been 20 miles (one-way) in a boat, but let me tell you, it is a loooong ride! Factor in bad weather and conditions and it gets a lot longer!

Because we knew we were going to be fighting the bad weather and seas, it was decided to take several people in addition to the standard boatcrew. The crew that went out on this case consisted of Joe as the coxswain, Chris as the engineer, another Chris as the crewman, and Josh and I as crewman "break-ins". I was comfortable with the boatcrew. I had a lot of respect for the coxswain and viewed him as the second best boat driver that the facility had. The first best was the Chief that was in charge of the station and he wasn’t there that night.

We got underway and things were going as well as could be expected. The seas were fierce. Raging. Angry. I would suspect that ride was similar to what clothes go through in a washing machine. Waves were crashing in front of us, behind us, and on both sides of us. The water was churning and their was no pattern, rhythm, or consistency to them whatsoever. The seas were steadily building. We started with about 6 foot seas. Then it was 8. 10. Pretty soon the seas were easily becoming 12 foot from trough to crest. There was nearly constant communications happening on the radio between our station watchstander, out boat crew, and the crew on the boat in distress. There was constant clatter of the radio and the lapping of the waves against our boat.

I will never forget the sound of an aluminum boat slamming through a wave and onto the next. I will never forget the feeling of floating in air, hoping that we would land on the next wave without tipping over. I will forever feel the ache in my legs and knees as I struggled to stand and absorbed the shock of one wave after another. I have literally seen a wall of water crash onto the windshield that I am peering through with so much force, I’m not sure how I wasn’t wearing shards of glass and soaked to the bone.

The Coast Guard has pre-established weather standards that a boat that size can withstand. The limitation of seas for that size boat is 10 feet. Some mathematical formula says that anything larger than that dramatically increases the risk of capsizing the boat, ending in possible injury or even loss of life. Did I mention that the seas were approaching and even surpassing 12 foot?

The most difficult part about this entire scenario is that once our boat reached the limitations, it’s not like the seas would just give up and we would have a smooth ride home. No, we were going back the exact same way we came. There was no safe haven to hide in until calmer weather came around. We had nowhere to go to escape the intensity of the seas and weather. Unfortunately, we were instructed to return to base without being able to assist the vessel in distress. The seas had become too rough and the chances could not continue to be taken. The most frustrating and gut-wrenching part about the recall is that we had made it to within one mile of the boat. If the day were calm and still, we would have been able to see the boat from our position at the point we had to turn around.

I can still remember the feeling of terror and fear that overcame me when the guy I admired so much became so physically exhausted from trying to maneuver the boat that he had to take a break and let the engineer, Chris take over for awhile. See, it didn’t even really occur to me the exact severity of what we were dealing with until that point. I knew it was bad. I knew it was not ideal, but I honestly never thought about the fact that this could have had a negative outcome.

I am ashamed to admit that I never once prayed to God for His hand of protection. I put my faith into a flawed and imperfect human and never gave thought to the One who really protected us and allowed us to return home safely. It has taken me years to realize the protection that was covering us that night was completely God. I cannot express my thankfulness for the God who provides even when I don’t deserve it or acknowledge it. I don’t know that I will ever understand why people are put into the situations they are or why the outcomes turn out the way they do, but I know from this day forward I will give all of the glory to God for His power and grace.

2 months!! WOW!

I cannot believe it has been two months since I last posted anything. I know it has been awhile, but I didn't think it had been that long! I wish I could say I have all kinds of things to report, but I do not.
Ummm, let's see....We are in potty training mode. With Holly of course! I've been trained for a few years!! It's not going very smoothly! Her potty training, that is. Mine's okay....Alright, enough of that subject!!
I will be finishing up two of the three classes I am taking right now by Halloween. Oh, I can't wait! I will never, ever, ever, ever take three classes at the same time again, as long as I can help it. That is, as long as I am working full time also. And the day can't come too soon that I don't have to work full time, at least at the same establishment that I am currently employed. Ugh, I dread going there. Every. Single. Day.
Leo, Holly and I are going to Georgia for Thanksgiving! I am so thrilled about that trip! I know my Mom will be so excited to see Holly and vice versa! We don't have anything too excited planned. We just plan on hanging out. I think it will be really good for me.
Well that's about all I can think of! I'm sorry my first post in a very long time is as dull as this one. I promise I will try to drum up something much more interesting and witty!

Man, oh man!

Work. Crazy.

Life. Crazy.

School. Crazy.

Me. Going crazy!

That just about sums it up! It's been awhile since I've posted. Partly because I haven't had much to write about and partly because I have had too much to write about!! Paradoxical, I know! So where to start....

I did not get the position at my work that I applied for. I am sooo completely okay with that, actually. I wasn't sure that I really wanted the job and as soon as I submitted my resume, I immediately knew that I wouldn't take the job even if it was offered to me. I just really didn't feel good about it. I even call it my "reverse God-sighting"! God-sightings are something that I learned about in my Family Group. Basically, they are little glimpses in your life of ways that God has blessed you. I call this a reverse God-sighting because typically you want to get the job you applied for and in this instance I did not get it. God is good! He knows what's best for me and will keep me from harm if I just trust in Him. I am really trying hard to give up that control and worry and trust in Him in everything I do. I am very controlling and often struggle with giving that up!

Guess who's in her big girl bed now?!!! ME!! Hahaha, okay just kidding. I've been there awhile actually, thanks for asking! Holly has officially graduated to a twin size bed! My mother-in-law bought her a beautiful quilt and pillow sham and Holly is so excited about her new bed. Here's a couple of pictures for proof!

Can I just say that she is soooo beautiful. I mean really, is it okay to gloat about her when I obviously have a biased opinion?!! I sure hope so! She is so completely amazing to me. I can't believe how intelligent she is too! She is doing so well with her speech. My favorite thing that she does now is says "See ya!" as she's leaving places! Oh my gosh it's soo adorable.

I have 2 new classes beginning on Monday. That is in addition to the one class I am already taking. The 2 new classes are an English/Composition class and Managing in the Legal Environment class. I keep joking with Leo that he can take my English class for me since he's the English major! Now if I can just find someone else to take my management class.....! Just kidding, just kidding. I will do the responsible thing and take these classes myself. I guess. Since there are no takers! :)

I am so excited about the kickoff of the season of the Wednesday night meetings for Heart 2 Heart next week. I can't wait to see what our next study will be. It seems like it has been so long since we all have met and I'm exciting about connecting in person again with so many people. I just love all of you guys! I hope you are all doing well and have a good night!

We have a new...

Dog!! She is a 3 year old dachsund and her name is Dixie. She is sooo cute!! Holly just adores her. She used to be Leo's Dad's dog but he is moving into an apartment and needed to find another home for her. We are going to try it out for awhile to see if we can handle it. We already have another dog and a cat. The other dog we have is a German Shepherd mix and she is about 12 years old (I think!). She used to be my family's dog and we worked it out with my parents to get her up here from Georgia earlier this year. She is a great guard dog! It's amazing how quickly she has become protective of Holly. If Dixie gets too close to Holly, Sadie (the german shepherd) runs her off! The cat doesn't seem to mind this dog like she usually does when we get a new pet.

So I guess this dog is kind of like an early birthday present! My birthday is tomorrow and I am going to be the big 29. Next year I will be 30 and then I'm gonna hold steady at that age!! :) I don't have anything exciting planned for tomorrow. It just seems to be another day, and I am perfectly okay with that! I hope everyone has a great day!!

Miscellaneous

Well, it's that time again. What time, you say? It's school time again for me. I know you are relieved to know this important bit of information. My next class officially started today. I am taking Microeconomics to get it out of the way while Macroeconomics is still somewhat fresh in my head! Thankfully, I will have a different instructor than I did for Macro as he was not a very good teacher. Practically non-existant actually. But....I am hopeful that this class will go much better than the other one did! Actually, it really is starting well because the first three chapters I am supposed to read, I have already read from my Macro class. YAY!

Have I told you guys how much I miss getting together for the Heart 2 Heart Women's Group. I mean I really miss seeing you all. I get to keep up with a few people through their blogs, but with the summer, most people aren't blogging as often right now either. (Including me!) I can't wait for it to start again but I don't even know when that is! I have been going to the summer study "Is There Really Sex After Kids". The answer is yes.....according to the book! Isn't it always easier in black and white?!! I actually really like the book and I do recommend it to everyone. There is some really insightful thoughts and ideas that can definitely help in your marriage, and not just physically related either.

Speaking of sex after kids :), I keep having this persistant thought go through my head that I am pregnant. It is the weirdest thing. Leo and I have decided that we are ready to take that step and hope that it happens in the near future. But we just recently made that decision and I don't know that there has been enough time to pass for me to actually be pregnant. But I'm telling you, the thought just won't go away. So much so that we stopped at CVS and bought a pregnancy test yesterday. It was negative. To be honest, I was a little upset that it was negative. I know that in due time, it will happen, but a huge part of me wants to be pregnant again. Which is crazy to watch myself type that thought because it wasn't too long ago that I was seriously considering only having the one child and never going through pregnancy again. So I have come to the conclusion that I must be having sympathy thoughts and feelings and someone around me is pregnant. Is it you?!! ;}

Well, I heard rumor today that was not very promising for the position that I applied for. (I know I should really not put alot of stock in rumors, but I feel that it came from a trusted source who is privy to the inside scoop) The rumor is that they are not going to fill the position I applied for until January. Not good. For so many reasons, not good. One, because I don't know if I can wait that long to know if I am even a candidate for the position. And two, because it's that much longer that I will be temporarily doing some of the duties of that position, in addition to my current duties. Ughhh, the suspense is going to kill me!!

I am very excited for my neighbors. They are pregnant and will be going to the hospital tomorrow to have what is called a "version" done (that's not the part I'm excited about:). Apparently their baby is in the breech position and a "version" is an attempt to manually turn the baby to the correct position that is safe for vaginal delivery. If the version works, they are going to immediately induce her so that there isn't enough time for the baby to turn again. If it doesn't work, they have a C-Section scheduled for 9am. Either way, more than likely, their son will be born tomorrow! I can't wait to meet him! I hope and pray that everything goes well for my neighbors tomorrow. They are going to be such great parents.

Well, that's about all I can think of for an update! I hope you are all doing well!

I did it!

Thank you for the advice and support that you guys have given me with my job application dilema. I submitted my application and resume last night. Now it is a wait-and-see game. My thought process is that if it is meant to be, I will be selected to interview. Had I not submitted the application, I would have never even known if I had a chance, or if it was God's will.

Our office had a going away party for my boss. It went really well and it is good to have that stress over with. I somehow was put in charge of planning and organizing the get-together and it seemed like it was during a time that I had too many other things to do! Oh-well, it went well and tomorrow is officially her last day. I am very sad about not being able to work with her anymore because I really admire and respect her. I wish nothing but the best for her in all of her future endeavors.

I'm looking forward to the Elston Carnival on Saturday. This will be my first carnival at the church and I know how great of an opportunity it is going to be to reach out to the community and spread the word about our awesome church and of course about the awesomeness of Jesus Christ. I hope to see you all there!

To apply or not to apply

I have been wavering back and forth on whether or not to apply for a position that would inevitably be a promotion for me. Now, before you say "Is she crazy, why wouldn't she apply for it", let me explain my thoughts. And I guess it would be helpful to give you all a little background, too.

I have been employed at my current workplace since October of 2005. Previous to that, I had nearly 7 years of experience in the Coast Guard, where I was honorably discharged as an E-5 (in non-military terms, I was of supervisory level!) When I first began working in the office that I work now, I started at the bottom of the totem pole. About a year after I began working there, the person that was previously in my current position decided to quit. I applied for and was hired into that position. There were a few growing pains when I became the supervisor of a person that used to be a pay-grade above me, but I think it's safe to say that we are past that now. When I was hired for that job, my supervisor told me that she would expect alot of assistance out of me for things in the office that she needed help with. I have risen to the occasion and am proud to say that I have learned and exceled in my position. (At least I think so!) I am the go-to person during my supervisor's absence (and sometimes even the go-to person for my supervisor :) !) Well, the time has come and now my supervisor is quitting (should I be getting a complex about this?!!) and her job is available to be applied for until July 10th. I feel that I would be able to learn and excel in her position, too. My hesitation is simply the amount of hours that I have seen her put in and still be extremely far behind. I have the utmost respect for this person that is leaving and don't fully know what the situation was that she was so buried in work. I don't want to degrade her efforts and will just keep my opinions to myself, but suffice it to say that I believe I wouldn't face some of the same obstacles. Another reason for my hesitation is that although it will be a nice pay increase in black and white, I will become a salaried employee (I am now overtime eligible, not that I have had to work too many overtime hours) which means that although I will get paid more, with that comes the expectation to put in longer hours, as well.

So, I have talked this over with Leo for quite some time and I have prayed about it even longer. Some days I feel like the little voice is telling me to stay right where I'm at because there are other things in my life that need to be focused on. Than other days, I think I would still be able to handle all of the obligations to family, church and school and still learn this new job as well. I know the option is there to submit my application and then not take the job if that time were to come. But, it would be pretty awkward if I were to get to the point of being offered the job and then turn it down.

What to do?....What to do?....