I have really pondered for a long time about what to write next. I am completely drawing a blank (hence the filler post with pictures!). I have read every blog tonight that I have saved to my favorites (10 of them to be exact-wow how awesome to get to know you all this way!) in hopes for inspiration. Maybe I have been inspired and maybe I haven't, I don't really know but I feel like something is bottled up in me and just needs to flow.
Sometimes I think to myself, "I can't help someone because I haven't been through the same thing." Or I think, "Does anyone really care that I hurt right along with them when they are struggling." And the longer I think about these things, the more I get mad at myself for even going there. I fully realize that these thoughts are put there by the enemy and I will not allow the enemy to prevail. Please bear with me as I try to explain my thoughts, and I'm sorry that I can't quote scripture to back up my thoughts and ideas but I'm just not to that point yet. I admire those that can and I'm trying really hard- but I'm not there yet.
You know what- it's okay that we haven't all struggled equally. We have all struggled in some way, shape, or form and we know how emotionally and physically draining it is to go through those times. How would anyone ever get out of the pit if everyone jumped in with them "to make them feel better." Sometimes you're the one pulling people along, sometimes you're the one pushing people along, and sometimes you are the one stuck in the mud. Thank God for the fact that at one time or another we will play each of those roles because of how much better we are for those times and the ability to get through them and help others as a result of them.
And maybe not everyone believes or cares that I hurt when they struggle, but there's a chance that someone does care. I will not change my ways to accomodate those that do not care. I will continue in those ways if even the slightest chance exists that it will make a difference in anyone's life that I care enough about them to hurt when they hurt. I know the feeling of loneliness and emptiness and am so thankful that I am not there, personally, right now. And from the bottom of my heart, I wish there was a way to be the wordly comfort that those that are hurting may need. But I can tell you the good news is that God loves each and every one of us just the way we are. He is the ultimate comforter. Lay your burdens at His feet and you can feel the ultimate relief. He can repair marital problems, self-esteem issues, feelings of doubt, restlesness, emptiness and loneliness if you take off that weight you are carrying and give it over to Him. Please know that I say this for your benefit and for mine because I struggle to do this on a daily basis. I am independent, self-sufficient, and controlling and try to take over my life for myself. Amazingly enough, I fail everytime and yet I keep going back to it again and again and again. Thank God for His grace and mercy.
I love you all! I really do. I wish nothing but the best for you all and truly mean that. Good night.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Who am I?
Posted by Mari at 6:08 PM
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5 comments:
So I'm not very good at knowing how to say something but I'm going to try. I care that you care!! It is amazing that you care!!
This, your blog, came at a time when I needed it! I needed to hear that people care! I needed to hear that other people have felt lonely and empty. I think it is amazing that you hurt along side other people!! I find myself talking myself out of talking to other people for fear that they won't understand or even, worse yet, not care to want to help me.
I feel very blessed that my family was brought to Elston Family Church. I believe that God places people in our path for a reason! That being said, it is very hard for me to comprehend the idea of people caring so much about me when some of you barely even know me. I have, however, felt more love in the past month that I have felt in a long time!
So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm stuck and its nice to know that other people have been stuck as well! I have begun to reach out, reluctantly. And it is very comforting to me to know that it is okay!
I feel very blessed to get to know you more!
love ya~
April
Do you know how much I love you?
I'm sooooo incredibly thankful to have you in my life. YOu have a special gift to really understand and feel for people. You are an amazing listener too!!!
Thank you for opening your heart to all of us.. I love you...we love you!!
k
What a great post. It is always so nice to know that there are people in the world who really do care. By the way, I loved the mud analogy!
What a great post, Mari.
I am one of those people who sometimes thinks, how can I possibly help someone when I've never been in their situation? I struggle to know what others need, what I could possibly do for them, when they are hurting so much. And I really have come to realize that such an easy, but VERY meaningful, thing to do is to let them know I care and hurt with them, think of them, pray for them.
I know this first hand being on the other side of this. When I was going through the most difficult thing ever (for me), I can't tell you how much it meant to me when people made a point to tell me they cared, they hurt, that they didn't know what to say, but thought of me often. No one had to say all of the right things (I knew there were no right words to say in such a situation), just a simple gesture of reaching out, sharing a few tears, or a hug means the world to someone who is in a pit. I have to say it was always especially touching when it was someone I hardly knew who made an effort to let me know they cared. I know how hard it is to step out of your comfort zone and say something like that to a virtual stranger. Probably thinking the one in pain will be like, who are you, again? Or you think, well, they have plenty of friends and support, my comment or gesture wouldn't matter or be a blessing in this person's life. Yes, it would be!!! Don't tell yourself or let the enemy tell you that you couldn't possibly say something to comfort that person or a hug from you would seem silly or weird, NOT TRUE!!
I just really appreciate you bringing this up. It's touched a nerve in me tonight. I have experienced the amazing compassion of others...not only from good friends, but acquaintances and strangers. And my gratitude for every, single tear shed, word shared, hug given, whatever...over me, Lydia, my family, our situation is unending and spilling over in me. I just don't have the words to express how meaningful the littlest of gestures mean! I try to reach out, but I need to be better. I need to reciprocate and just try to be more in tune to who could use a hug today (Kara is SO good at this!) or a kind word. I WILL be better about this because it could possibly make that person's day. Many of you have made my difficult days more bearable and I love you for that and so many other reasons.
Oh my goodness, my comments are like blog posts (I should just copy and paste this on to my blog, haha). I'm sorry that I am the most long-winded commenter ever. Once I get going I can't stop.
Mari, I can't wait to get to know you better! Do you think I'm crazy? I am...a little.
I hurt when I see people struggling or hurting too. I sometimes also wonder if someone I didn't know super well would think I'm weird or a little off.
Like at church... I can see someone I'm close to or only remotely close to(let me be honest anyone) crying and my heart will sooo hurt for them. It could be sad tears or happy tears. I don't always know, but I instantly pray for them and usually shed tears.
Do you ever wonder why God made you so sensitive??? I Do! I've thought about it some. I'm sure I'll go there one day and post about it.
I love you where you are and looking forward to see where God takes you.
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