Difficult Day

I had to put my dog to sleep today. She was about 11 years old and was previously my family’s dog. Leo and I brought her to our home about a year ago. Several weeks ago, I noticed that she was not eating as much as she usually does. I didn’t think anything of it because that was about the same time we found a new home for the dog that Leo’s Dad gave us several months ago. (It was too much to take care of both dogs and the little dachsund was having some difficulty with house-breaking) Anyway, a short time after I noticed Sadie was not eating as much, I started finding more and more throw-up accidents. Then I started to notice how thin she was getting and that her food bowl would stay full overnight. I decided to take her to the vet to see what could be wrong. I was told she had pancreatitis and she would have to stay at the vet’s office for a couple of days. She ended up staying there for three days with little improvement. The bill was becoming pretty hefty and I decided to bring Sadie home. I was taught at the vet’s office how to give her subcutaneous fluid injections and was instructed to do that at least twice a day, an entire 1000ml bag each time. We were also given antibiotics to give her and told she couldn’t have food for another couple of days either. Well, after several days of the fluid treatments and the antibiotics, there was still very little change in her condition. She ate one day and was able to hold it down but then began throwing up again the next day. Because we were pushing so many fluids into her, she could not contain herself and was continually having accidents in the house. Thankfully, she went on some puppy-pads we put down, but it was still very stressful for us, and I’m sure for her as well. She had always been kind of a modest dog (if that’s the right word). She was never one to have accidents in the house and didn’t like it if you were in the vicinity while she was doing her business. I had been told by the vet that pancreatitis can be very painful for the dog (as I can imagine would be the case) and I was beginning to notice that she was in discomfort. For days I have been wondering if I should give up and end Sadie’s suffering but I kept holding on to the hope that she would be better the next day. This morning it became very evident to me that I was being selfish in making her continue to suffer. While I was at work, I called Leo to see how his morning was going and he was very frustrated. Sadie had just thrown up what little bit she had eaten from the night before. I had already cleaned up two accidents that morning and Leo was in the process of cleaning up another accident too. So the decision was made and I called the vet to schedule a time to take her. Let me tell you, that was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make this far in my life. I never pictured taking a dog that could walk on her own into a vet’s office and leaving without her like that. I wasn’t sure if I could stay with her while they did the procedure, but I felt it was right to stay and comfort her while she passed. I still wonder if I made the right decision. Right up until this this morning, she would wag her tail when she saw me. Leo and I did give her some treats before we took her to the vet’s office today since she loved those so much. She seemed very pleased while she ate them. I hope that little gesture gave her a glimmer of happiness to offset the pain and discomfort she has been feeling for too long. I loved that dog and I will truly miss her. She always seemed to know when I needed comfort and she would snuggle to me. I hope it was comforting to her that I was there to snuggle with her at the end.