Have you ever been surrounded by friends and still been lonely? Have you ever just wanted to state your piece and be done with it, but someone insists on pointing out your faults? Have you ever started to open up to people about what's bothering you, only to be told that what you're struggling with isn't that bad because it doesn't compare to what that person is having to deal with? Have you ever had a fight with your spouse and wanted to change the locks as soon as he left the house? Have you ever felt so emotionally drained that you don't even know why you try? Have you ever dreaded going to work, but also dreaded being at home because both places seem to be constant reminders of all the things you are failing at?
Well I am so totally there. And I know that I am not alone in any or all of these feelings. For any of you that feel even a touch of what I feel, I'm sorry. I wish nothing more than to make everything right for you, me and everybody.
I have allowed myself to procrastinate a 5 page research paper for the last class of this semester. It's due tomorrow and I have 2 pages done. The class is Macroeconomics and I could care less about it. I want to just quit and turn in what I've done for a partial grade and say "to heck with it". I can't keep my house clean and it's making me crazy. Nothing raises the hair on my back more than stepping on dirt and grit on the floor. I'm having litter box madness issues like Kara mentioned in her recent post. Seriously, why can the litter not stay in the box?!! I have no disillusionment that my house is going to be sparkling at all times with a 2 year old running around, but I really hate putting my hand on the counter, only to find dried food from who knows when stuck to the counter (and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone in my household specifically because we are all guilty of making those messes and leaving them). If I allow my desk at work or home to get any more cluttered and unorganized, I think I may have a mental breakdown. I'm feeling very condemned right now about the house I live in, the car I drive, basically every choice I make. I worry that everything I say will be the wrong thing and that I will hurt people or make them angry. I mean I have even had nightmares lately of making friends cry because everything I said came out so wrong and I couldn't fix it. I'm so scared that I will push people away from me by saying or doing the wrong thing that I have been staying away from people when what I want so badly right now is to have someone to hang out with on nights like tonight when my husband is working.
I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to get over this. I'm so tired right now. I'm gonna go hammer away at this paper for a little while longer and then head to bed. Please pray for me. I really need it right now. I love you guys!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I need an intervention!
Posted by Mari at 6:43 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Yes! I have been there!!! (In a whole lot of ways, I'm STILL there!) Mari, I seriously know *exactly* what you're talking about. You better be at church this morning, because I'm going to give you a great big hug, and I'd like to set up a mommies-only date for this week. For now, here are all the internet hugs I can give you! ((((HUGS))))
I agree with Lindsey! I am there right now with some of those things as well. Those thoughts about needing to be around people, but saying the wrong things or just staying away from people...yeah..Im there! I understand completely! Im so sorry that your going through this, but you are not alone!
I will be praying for you! And I would love to get together as well!
See ya in a few!
HUGS!!!
I feel like you took the words out of my mouth. I know what you mean. I really do. Yesterday afternoon, I said nearly all of that to Kara. :)
I wish I had read this before church this morning, so I would have said more than a basic "hello" to you.
Hang in there!
I can answer YES to many of your questions in the first paragraph. So many of us can relate to a LOT of what you say you've been going through. I'm sorry you've been feeling so much of that lately. Yesterday (last night) seemed rough for you. I really hope today was better and you found some solitude on God's day. No matter what you're going through or how you're feeling (or ESPECIALLY for those reasons), so many of us are here for you...just remember that!!
I am another mommy who checked off most(OK...all) of the things listed in the first paragraph. People often say that this time in our lives where we have young children are the hardest. Here is praying for a early retirement. Just kidding! Know that you are in my prayers.
Oh, and I hope none of this has to do with your strong love for Burger King and our disapproval of the place. Your opinion matters and we love you even if we like McD's better :-)
I was just hoping this would get a smile out of you! Have a good night!!
The worst thing to do is pull away from everyone. I know from experience, it will just come back up and God will give you another opportunity to deal with it then. If your ready dig in now. I feel the exhaustion and heart ache. I personally am ready to conquer it!!
In my book Mari~ you can't say or do anything wrong. And if it hurts me, I can move past it..I know I've unfortunally hurt others myself!
Post a Comment